The Difference in Needs and Wants

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For this penultimate prompt in understanding the basics of you, we're discussing needs and wants.

Now, when I say needs, I am not talking about water or leafy greens (but you should participate in both of these things often). I am talking about what you need to feel neutral and safe and cared for. For example, for my brain to progress past survival mode, I need to my dogs to have gone outside, my hair to not be oily, and my bed needs to be made. I don't make the rules, this is just what my being needs to feel like I have some semblance of control over the general situation of life. For you, it might look like having painted nails, a clean water bottle, and at least 20 minutes of sunshine.

It is, again, critical that you know these things about yourself. If you are in a tizzy and cannot fathom why on earth you can't finish a sentence but you haven't brushed your teeth and you know you need to in order to feel like you've taken care of your basics, you need to be able to identify and resolve the issue. Girl, I mean this in the nicest way, but sometimes you are the problem and you don't even know it. If you can't identify what you need, how can you communicate it to those who want to take care of you?

If you need a little extra framework here, it helps to think of a morning where you've felt on it and one where you definitely did not. Or when you crawl into bed, on nights where you felt empty, why, and on nights where you feel fulfilled, why.

Wants are the most delightful part of this whole exercise in my humble opinion. This can range from obtaining every flavor of Summer Fridays lip balm to a house on the mountain to a boat. Go crazy. Talk about what you want in a relationship, or what you want out of your job. If you're looking to evolve a part of your life, talk about what you want that aspect to look like. Go as big or as little as you want. We'll do a full on ~dream life~ adventure later, but for now, start with what's on your mind these days. Me? It's a Coach Brooklyn bag, a bottle of Mrs Meyers All Purpose Spray (Rainwater scent, of course), and for my student loans to evaporate. We're not concerned about how right now; we are in a magical land where we could have it all.

It's important to know what you want because, otherwise, what are we working towards? This is a goal in its most rudimentary form. We'll also have a goal setting exposé later on, but for now, this can keep you afloat. It can help you make decisions;  if you're unsure what to do between option 1 and option 2, which one helps you be aligned with your values and progresses you towards what you want? It also acts for a litmus test for your values.

If everything you have listed in your values does not show up at all in what you want, you need to reconsider what you determined your values to be. Please do this out of a space of kindness. You are not stupid or irresponsible if what you have listed as what you want doesn't align with what you thought your values were going to be. It could mean a variety of things. It could mean that your values came as a prescription from someone else; maybe your parents mandated that your job is critical to your success in adulthood, but in your wants you listed how desperately you wanted to be at home making it wonderful for you and your family. It could mean that you saw an example of it on social media; maybe you saw how much running and weight lifting has helped an influencer, but in your wants you listed flexibility and being a pilates princess. There is no room for judgement here. Seeing yourself is a journey in exploration and curiosity, in taking what you find and applying it to improving your life in an attainable way. It is evolving. Similarly to how science is evolving as it finds information, so must you as you discover things about yourself.

As always, if you need more guidance or inspiration, or you want more prompts to discover yourself, or you want to chat with others on a similar journey, check out the conservatory.

Only one more prompt to go! This one is the hardest, but it is so important to admit to yourself these things so that you can't be held hostage by your own mind. It's time to take your power back ☼