What Are You Hiding From

SeeingThyself_BasicJournal.pdf

Download PDF • 49KB

Welcome to the last and hardest part of this exercise: what are you running from and why are you running from it?

It doesn't take a genius to know why this might suck to think about. But, alas, think about it we must. Because if you're running from it, it has power over your mental space. We're taking your mental space back.

This will not be like that time in Stranger Things when Will faced the mindflayer and told it to "Go AWAY" and it just took over his brain, I promise. I am sure there are very real, very scary repercussions that can (and will) come from whatever you're running from. But I promise, delaying the outcome always makes it worse. Always, always, always.

Before you embark on this particular expedition, I do have some recommendations on pre-journal activities: get your vibes and heart rate up. I'm talking a dance party to Life of a Showgirl, I'm talking walk the dog in the sunshine, I'm talking sex. Release existing cortisol, close that stress loop. After that, a fun beverage. Can be alcoholic, can be non-alcoholic, I dont particularly care. I just know that when I'm journaling about hard things, having beverage sips sprinkled in can help.

(Side note, this can be helpful in hard conversations too. It gives you an opportunity to pause and take a sip and think about responses, and give you something to do with your hands. I recommend it wholeheartedly, having a warm beverage in difficult confrontations is my form of armor.)

If this really feels like it might kill you, I often write that it can't. When I face things I very much don't want to, I literally write every third sentence or so "writing about this cannot hurt you" or "these words cannot bite" or "this paper cannot attack you." It helps keep my heart rate down, maybe it will help yours too.

At the end of the day, this is hard. This is hard, and it is necessary. If you do not face it, you give it the power to dictate your attitude and actions to it. To use "hot slang" here, it forces you to become reactive, and facing it places you in a position of proaction. You deserve to feel safe in your brain. Hiding from your own shadow is doing no one any good.

After you've listed what you're running from, and you've moved onto why, it might feel slightly less intimidating. Let's take an extremely common example in the current climate: "I'm running from my finances"

The hardest part, as always, is starting. It's admitting that you're running.

"I'm running from my finances because I'm afraid of losing my current style of life and effects it might have on my relationships" is just completing the sentence. This makes total sense, especially if in your values you listed your relationships and style of life.

We don't have to make a plan now. We don't have to change anything. I am just aiming for you to not be afraid to face any corner of yourself. I want you to be able to look at your issue and be like "I don't want to deal with this because it fucking sucks" instead of pretending that you don't see it lurking at the edges of your mind. I don't want the wolves that circle you before you go to sleep to have power; I want you to take away their teeth.

"I see you, I know you're there, and I know why."

There is power in knowledge. There is later power in action. But before you face what you are running from, you have power in neither. Take that power back. I believe in you. The journal page cannot hurt you, the words cannot bite you. You can burn the paper after you write it for all I care. But acknowledgement goes a long way, and I genuinely feel it can help.

NOW THAT YOU'VE DONE THAT, I want you to do something tactile. I want you to do something that forces your brain to realize the world is not ending because you were thinking about that friendship that you want to toast like a marshmallow. I want you to hug your kids, I want you to pet your dog, I want you to take a shower. Something sensory to align you back with real life. This will reinforce that the journal practice you just performed cannot bite you, and actually does not change anything in the outer world, the difference is all within.

This is the end of where I think the basics of knowing yourself ends. Seeing yourself is a lifelong adventure where there is no destination. Your tastes will change, so will your fears, and I hope you find what joy you can see in continuing to grow and be. And if you liked this little endeavor and want to continue? Well I blog weekly, and post daily prompts in the conservatory, and we're building a community of others on this journey too.

But for now, I want you to make better decisions, I want you to know what you value, I want you to be able to face things. And after you've really taken part in this journal journey, I think you've given yourself the tools to do so.

I hope you'll stick around with us ☼