Valentine's Day Blues

Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and if this one just wasn’t for you, let’s talk about it:

ValentinesDay_SeeingThyself.pdf

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So Valentine’s Day can suck for a variety of reasons; you could be feeling acutely single, you could be disappointed by something your partner did, you could be comparing everything you did to what someone else did… the list goes on. 

All of these feelings are valid, and I am not about to tell you “chin up buttercup there’s someone out there!” or “just be happy with what you had!” because you’re here trying to feel better, not worse. 

What we are going to do, though, is discuss what the causes are. This isn’t a slap a bandaid on a bullet hole situation, we’re going in with Operation-like precision. (I do mean the board game, not surgery. Just clarifying.)

First step here: talk about what happened. I want you to try to be unbiased (but there’s no judgement here if you are a little biased), and list out factually the events that occurred. It can be a bulleted list, it can be a timeline, the world is your oyster here. But tell the paper what happened.

Step two: talk about why you’re not happy with what happened. It could be that you felt like you tried so hard and it feels like your partner didn’t try at all, or that it feels like everyone has someone but you. I don’t want you to try to come up with solutions, but I want you to be blatant. 

Step three: comfort yourself. This could look like writing “Hey y/n (my One Direction Fanfic days still haunt me), this was a lot. And it sucked. And I’m sorry.” We are validating, we are soothing, we are focusing entirely on ourselves right now. We’re not bringing up any complaints against others, in this little bubble, it’s all about you. 

And the Final Step: what could make it better? Would telling your partner that you’re getting them 2 gifts and you expect the same help you not be disappointed? Would uninstalling instagram on Valentine’s Day help you not play the comparison game? Would planning activities for yourself ahead of time help you feel less adrift when situations like this come up? Just brainstorm a few options, that way you have a list to return to when Valentine’s Day comes back around, and you’re feeling a little less than.

As always, you’re doing this for you. Getting to know yourself and facing these feelings is the most selfish act of self care you can do. And I’m so proud of you for taking the time. 

XO,

Chloe